we go on

We go on. I heard that we go on and it scared me because I knew it was true. I was young then and I still saw the monsters when I shut my eyes in the dark. I don’t see them anymore, but they’re still there, because we go on. No matter what we go on.

You go on after your first breakup, your first car wreck, your first addiction, your first relapse, your first loss, your last loss, your last relapse, your last addiction, your last car wreck, your last breakup, and even after you die. But it’s not heaven and it’s not hell, it’s all mixed together and all you can do is imagine a blank page and draw a map on it as you go, marking mistakes in the margins and crossing X’s over those little respites of joy that keep your hope smoldering.

Even after you realize that everything has happened before and we’re all watching the Director’s Cut over and over again swapping seats when the credits roll, you go on.

We think there’s a difference between life and death but we don’t know that these categories are arbitrary and everything is messy and tangled and mixed together and we are not ready but we go on anyway because there is no choice and you can’t stop. You can’t stop, you can’t stop for good and no matter how badly you want to stop we go on and you go on with us and we are all alone and we are all together and we are all singing and fighting and winning and losing and fucking and crying and through it all we go on.